That's what I said at the start of a call with my meditation teacher about my first experience drinking ayahuasca just a couple weeks earlier. "I have a deeply embarrassing claim that I’m just going to make, and I’m sure you’ll be nice about it, and then we can keep talking about all the other stuff we have to talk about” I said. Of course he was open to what I had to report. “Ayahuasca enlightened me,” I continued. “Now that I’ve said it, lets talk about all the other things that happened.”
Fractal! This was SO GOOD! I loved it. Thanks for writing. I found the part about surrendering to the loop very relatable to a high dose mushroom trip I did. After I had that experience this Ram Dass quote has been stuck to my brain: “It is from the place in our heart cave where we watch the entire drama that is our lives. We watch the illusion with unbearable compassion.”
Just based on what you're saying here, you were likely not -enlightened- by Ayuhasuca in a traditional abiding/permanent awakening sense, but you surely had an awakening experience whose seeds of healing have only just been sewn. I'm very happy such a profound mystical experience has shifted the way you experience reality.
That's funny because cannabis enlightened me, and then mushrooms enlightened me more, and then LSD enlightened me, and then LSD and cannabis enlightened me even more until ketamine and cannabis allowed complete Buddha nature last week, and ayahuasca enlightened me again last night.
Didn't read all of it yet but very fun read, great writing too. Our drug experiences seem awfully similar. I can remember many of my own experiences while reading this.
Sorry (not sorry, lol 😉 ) for the huge quote-in-comment, but this whole paragraph is essentially also my experience of this part of an awakening moment (but on a heroic dose of mushrooms), which you've worded beautifully: "It was simultaneously hilarious and also the dumbest fucking joke in the entire world, and my whole life was the punchline. I had gone through so much struggle and stress and tribulation, to convince myself and everyone else I met that I really actually was good enough, even thoughdeep down inside I knew that I was fundamentally bad and wrong and not ok. And here was this beautiful shining pearl of transcendence that had been there all along. I had never known how beautiful it and I were. I needed to stop fighting against being not good enough to realize that I had been struggling to prove an answer to a question that wasn’t even being asked. No one was asking if I was good enough. I just was. My form had manifested in the field of perfect luminous potential and was doing a particular dance that maybe answered some unvoiced question. It was only by relaxing into the self-constructed inadequacy and surrendering to it that I could see that I – the entirety of my being, stories of inadequacy and all – was just as shining, perfect, and transcendent as the emptiness out of which I arose."
Fractal! This was SO GOOD! I loved it. Thanks for writing. I found the part about surrendering to the loop very relatable to a high dose mushroom trip I did. After I had that experience this Ram Dass quote has been stuck to my brain: “It is from the place in our heart cave where we watch the entire drama that is our lives. We watch the illusion with unbearable compassion.”
I'm so curious to hear how Ur experience/life has been difference since the ceremony!
Almost unbelievable, feels like fiction. Stunning descriptions of the incomprehensible.
Hope you're doing better now.
Just based on what you're saying here, you were likely not -enlightened- by Ayuhasuca in a traditional abiding/permanent awakening sense, but you surely had an awakening experience whose seeds of healing have only just been sewn. I'm very happy such a profound mystical experience has shifted the way you experience reality.
So, what would be read as enlightenment?
bars
I am the answer to the question nobody asked, except me.
That's funny because cannabis enlightened me, and then mushrooms enlightened me more, and then LSD enlightened me, and then LSD and cannabis enlightened me even more until ketamine and cannabis allowed complete Buddha nature last week, and ayahuasca enlightened me again last night.
Didn't read all of it yet but very fun read, great writing too. Our drug experiences seem awfully similar. I can remember many of my own experiences while reading this.
Sorry (not sorry, lol 😉 ) for the huge quote-in-comment, but this whole paragraph is essentially also my experience of this part of an awakening moment (but on a heroic dose of mushrooms), which you've worded beautifully: "It was simultaneously hilarious and also the dumbest fucking joke in the entire world, and my whole life was the punchline. I had gone through so much struggle and stress and tribulation, to convince myself and everyone else I met that I really actually was good enough, even thoughdeep down inside I knew that I was fundamentally bad and wrong and not ok. And here was this beautiful shining pearl of transcendence that had been there all along. I had never known how beautiful it and I were. I needed to stop fighting against being not good enough to realize that I had been struggling to prove an answer to a question that wasn’t even being asked. No one was asking if I was good enough. I just was. My form had manifested in the field of perfect luminous potential and was doing a particular dance that maybe answered some unvoiced question. It was only by relaxing into the self-constructed inadequacy and surrendering to it that I could see that I – the entirety of my being, stories of inadequacy and all – was just as shining, perfect, and transcendent as the emptiness out of which I arose."
Also, thanks for sharing your story. Beautiful. Happy for you. 💜